“What questions do you have?” the social worker asked us through a translator.

Questions?

We’ve Got Questions.

Like a MILLION.

Just as we got to the top of those 85 steps and walked through the door, we were quickly ushered into the kitchen. The children were sent to the living room to watch a cartoon and wait. It’s important to note the children had been made aware of our family about a month before our arrival. Once we had official approval to adopt the children, the kids were informed they were being adopted and their new “mama i tata” were coming to visit. So we were not the only one’s who had been waiting…..and now, 10 feet away, we waited a little longer.

One. More. Meeting.

The short, thirty minute meeting with the foster mom, social worker, and our agency host, Grace, was actually very helpful. The foster mom told as much about the children. We learned some of their likes, dislikes, how they interacted, behavior, traits, nicknames, and more. She shared with us what she knew about their past, as did the social worker, and encouraged us with how wonderful these kids really, truly are. Then we were given a chance to ask our questions. I think Amy had filled out six or seven notebook pages of questions the previous night, so we were armed and ready! There was much to discover.
What is their nighttime routine?
What helps calm them?
Do they have a favorite toy? Will it be coming with them?
What do they love that must stay behind when we return?
How do they feel about being adopted?
What kind of contact do they have with their biological family?
How will they feel about new, Americanized names?
Are they excited? Anxious? Dreading this?
How much do they know about us? This process? That we’re leaving in a few days?
On and on and on…..things any parent would naturally know about their children, but about which we were completely in the dark. We barely had any medical information and nothing on their social/family background.

After about fifteen minutes of our questions, it occurred to all these smart adults, there were four children in the next room very nervous and anxious to meet their new mom and dad. We adjourned the meeting with a promise to answer further questions later. Right now, it was finally time to meet the children.

Our hearts skipped a beat.

I mean you must understand until this moment, these children only existed in a picture (ONE PICTURE!) and three very short videos. We have been working hard to bring these children home for nearly a year going on nothing but a sense of Divine providence and a picture. But now we were moments and steps away from meeting them for the very first time. This is how I felt just before Chloe, our oldest, was born. That moment, when you meet your first-born for the first time, is amazing. The wonder and awe one feels for God and His creative power is unmatched. The moment when Chloe was born (and all my children, but there’s just something about the fist time) I was overwhelmed with the power and presence of God. Just unfathomable unless you’ve lived it.
This moment was not unlike that moment.
We had only “given birth” to these children in our hearts. Yet the same feeling of amazement, Godly power and providence, and ultimately joy overwhelmed me. I honestly thought, leading up to this moment, I would sob like a baby. All the pent-up emotions finally being released. Amy and I were surprised when what overwhelmed us was pure joy. Joy unspeakable. And full of glory because these children, my children, were made in the image of God. The same image into which my biological children were made. This IS that moment. It’s actually now, as I reflect on this moment, the tears come.

They were shy and nervous. I am not a small man. I was afraid I may even be a little

Family Books

scary. I had decided before we left I would get on my knees to be at their level, so I immediately dropped to my knees. An appropriate response when confronted with the miraculous. They introduced themselves and told us how old they were. The two littles were clinging to the foster mom for safety while the two older were rather stoic and reserved. We asked them questions and gave them the small gifts we had brought them; a teddy bear – we bought one for all eight kiddos, and the family picture books we had made for each of them. I can’t show you the whole book, but this picture is our page. There is a page for each of our biological kids naming them sisters and brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and finally, Charlie the dog. Our agency recommends these books so the children can familiarize themselves with the people they will likely meet first when they come home. You can check them out here. We walked each of the kids through their book (one specific for each child), introducing them to the family which would love them for the rest of their life.

They started to relax just a little. The children wanted to show us their rooms, where they slept, and some of their things. Now, I am a pretty big kid at heart and love to wrestle and have fun with my children. The kids had bunk beds so to break the ice I started picking them up and “flying” them high landing on the top bunk. They started to giggle, play with us, and let down their guard…..well…..all but the oldest. She was still keeping her distance, unsure of what to think about all of this.

After the “flying” got boring (more likely, daddy got tired!) we decided to walk to a nearby playground. The kids were already starting to call us “mama” and “tata” which is Polish for “daddy” (you can’t make this stuff up!). We played on the playground for about an hour and took some great pictures. The younger two girls were very interactive with us and I was just seeing a glimpse of it our older two. I would say on the playground is where I began to bond with my new eight year old daughter and six-year-old son.

The children needed to go in for lunch and the littles were going to take a nap so we decided to take their advice and head back to our hotel for a nap of our own. We had lunch with Grace and cautiously asked her how she thought things were going. She is WELL KNOWN for her honestly and FAMOUS (at least around Children’s House International Poland program) for being full of awesomeness. She did not disappoint. I kept telling her the whole time how grateful we were for her and we really couldn’t do it without her – all of which is true. But, see, Grace loves Jesus. Deeply. it’s not just we couldn’t do it without her, but that we wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else. She was and is incredible. We are glad to have her as an adoption liaison, but mostly as our friend.
Oh, and she felt like things were going very well!

We trudged back up the 85 steps to pick the children up and take them to a nearby mall which had an indoor play place. because the cars in Europe are so small, we had to make two trips. So I took the oldest and youngest and went in the first batch. Picture that. Jeff…..a giant American sitting in a mall with his two daughters HE HAS JUST MET FOUR HOURS EARLIER and who speak no English….for 45 minutes….alone.
I saw a frozen yogurt shop and, thanks to my friend Tim Enloe, knew the Polish word for “ice cream.” We figured it out and the girls enjoyed a small cup of delicious strawberry yogurt, one with chocolate topping and one with sour candy. Our oldest had ordered the sour but the youngest wanted that. I was so proud to get a glimpse of our daughter’s character when she preferred her little sister over herself and traded ice cream. It was so sweet.
Then the unthinkable happened……we had to visit the restroom.

So here I am, in the family restroom with a three-year old and eight year old daughters I’ve known for four hours, knowing no English, all by myself. Thankfully, we all survived….but let me just tell you, it was a little awkward. First time things often are.

The other group arrived shortly after. We played and had a great time in the playground.

When it was time to go home, we reversed the order and I stayed now with the middle son and the other daughter. The exact same scenario as before, and it happened almost the exact same way, bathroom visit and all. But we survived. We made it! We met our kids, hugged their necks, kissed their faces, with a language barrier, with some apprehension, with some awkward bathroom breaks……but with an enormous amount of love. They felt it. We all did.

I really believe we began to bond that afternoon. Lots of people will question how that could happen so soon, but I’m certain it did. It was an amazing “birth” day. Not with pushing and well….you know (thank God for epidurals!). But with the same wonder and awe at what the Father had done…and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The journey began only 4,600 miles away. For the last nine months, though, it might as well have been a million. So many challenges; so many hurdles to overcome; so many setbacks and victories and breakthroughs…..so much God has worked in our own hearts as He also, no doubt, prepared those little hearts to receive us. We are not the same people who began this journey a million miles and nine months ago.

I think often we ask God to do major things in our lives, or at lease we hope that He will. Sometimes those processes seem like they take forever, like we will never arrive or the brokenness will never end. The most impact thing I’ve learned through this adoption so far, and I believe there is much more to go, is how God looks at our lives through many facets. I’ve already written about discovering this process wasn’t about me. Well, it is, but it isn’t. Or it isn’t JUST. Anything God is doing in your life is always about so many other people and situations and activities in which God is working. He has many different angles into which His plan is unfolding. Reading about our revelation of God adopting all of us may have deeply impacted your journey with God. Or God may use the adversity we’ve faced to help encourage someone else. Or maybe as we made this 4,600 mile journey to Poland, our contact with the foster parents, or the adoption center, or the social worker, or a slightly racist rabbi from NYC on a train, may plant a seed into their heart of something else God is working for them. Our obedience to this journey back in June may have been the key to someone’s heart being drawn to God. Your journey may be a million miles, or just 4,600. Many other’s journey will run parallel to yours or touch yours in some way. God is a comprehensive God…..using situations in all of our lives to teach us, yes, but also to influence and work on the hearts of others. This has been a major revelation for us which seemed to come together on this first trip.

As we boarded an airplane in Chicago for the long flight to Brussels, Belgium and then on to Warsaw, praying for our pilots, we knew every hour in the air was a few hundred miles closer to meeting our children….and all those God had ordained to parallel our journeys. We arrived in Warsaw

Amy & me in Cloth Hall in Krakow

(officially pronounced “var-sha-vah”) after 24 hours of straight travel and immediately boarded a train for Krakow (officially pronounced “kra-kov”). We wanted to spend a couple of days decompressing from “American life” before we headed into important meetings. For the record, Krakow is a wonderful place. We loved the people, the ambiance, the charm, and, of course, the food!

After enjoying Krakow for a few days and visiting Auschwitz, the most notorious of Nazi Germany’s Concentration Camps where 1.1 million people, 900,000 of whom were Jews were murdered, we headed back to Warsaw for one night. After 4,300 miles, we had a majorly important meeting with adoption center officials before we could make the last 300 mile journey to finally kiss & hug children we had only loved in our hearts. This meeting was HUGE. The adoption center had been critical of a few things in our dossier and had delayed and even threatened (at least it felt that way) to stop the process. We knew they had the power to send us home. We had been praying about this meeting for a while and were confident in the plan of God. Maybe He was working on these officials hearts through us?? Definitely.

Pirogi, Polish cheese, cheesecake, and lattes in Krakow! YUM!

On April 16th, we met with the adoption officials in Warsaw. They were kind, and overall, we enjoyed meeting them. We took gifts of Indiana University mugs filled with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, as these are a rarity in Eastern Europe. They asked us lots of questions about how we would manage to have eight children. We did our best to share our hearts, explain our plans, and help them understand. I think a lot of people do not understand how God helps us do seemingly impossible things. They did not question our motivation, just wondered if we were nuts. Maybe we are! But to be honest, living safely and securely through your whole life without attempting God-Sized-Things is boring and frankly, insulting to a God who specializes in impossible things! If I’m going down, I’m going down swinging! We honestly do not know what the new dynamic of our family will be. What will it be like to have eight children? How will we make sure and connect to each one? Do we have enough time in the day or love in our heart to give ourselves to all of them? I know in my heart the answer to all these questions is positive, with God’s guidance and help. God will help us and we will just do it. We do have some thoughts and strategies we plan to implement. BUT, how does one really know how God’s plan will ultimately unfold? I always want to know; I always beg God to tell me, but He generally doesn’t. Walking in the unknown without guarantees and clarity on the outcome is called faith. I can do faith.

Our Hotel in Pomerania

The meeting went well, we felt, and we left immediately for the town in Norther Poland, in the region known as Pomerania, where the children live. 300 miles to go. We arrived around dinner time and enjoyed some great pizza. I know! It’s amazing how good the pizza is in Eastern Europe. So much better than most of what we get in the States. Our hotel was descent and we settled into our room for one final night with the children only existing in our hearts, 2 miles away.

I cannot describe the nervousness we felt as we approached the apartment where the children lived. Our hearts were thumping hard and we had butterflies in our stomachs.

85 Steps

When you have biological children, you are at least assured they have no history before you. There are no other adults who have had influence in their lives. You are all they have known, and for the foreseeable future, all they will know. This is not the case when adopting children. What if they dislike us or worse, are afraid of us? What if we struggle to make connections or bond with them? What if…….? Crazy things run through your heads at this point. In all honestly, we knew very little about them. We had basic medical info and opinions from psychologist, but not much. I can tell you everything you want to know about my biological children. I was there when they were born, and nearly ever day since. What I didn’t know about my new children was intimidating. Nonetheless…..we continued. We knew this was God’s plan for us and for them.

We were buzzed in and began traversing the staircase to their apartment. We counted the steps. 85. We felt so close to them, yet so far away from truly knowing them and making them ours. I mean it’s one thing to meet them and love on them and begin parenting them….it’s another thing entirely to know what makes them tick, who they are inside, and beginning to understand God’s plan for their lives as He so graciously and miraculously changes their family tree. 85 steps. We got to step 60 or so and they had come down to meet us, or at least get a first look to see what they could see. They had been waiting for us too. For about a month (after our official approval, the children were informed they were being adopted and pictures from our dossier sent to them). When I turned the corner and laid eyes on that first little girl it took my breath away….just like the moment of birth for my other children. Then I saw two more. And finally, on entering the house, I got a brief glimpse of the oldest. They were/are beautiful. I just kept saying to myself, “I almost can’t believe they are real!”

We felt like we’d come a million miles to this point. However we began to realize the real adventure was just beginning!

They say one only gets one chance to make a first impression. So we need to make sure our hair is combed, our face is washed, of course, we’re wearing clothing, and we don’t say anything stupid. This last one can sometimes be challenging for me! I would never say something inappropriate, but I’ve come to realize my sense of humor doesn’t often translate to Easter European ways of thinking. What I think might be funny or a way to break the ice could be confusing or even taken as offensive. This would not be good!

In one week, we will meet our children for the first time. Amy and I will travel 4,600 miles to be with them for four days. After which we will return home and wait some more….no doubt leaving half of our hearts in that tiny little town in Pomerania.

I keep wondering what I will say to them. One of my friends recently commented how incredible it is to love a child or children to whom we have given birth, not from our body, but from our hearts. This is aptly said and anyone who has journeyed a road like this could relate. We love them….We see no difference between them and the kids in our home already. When I walk up those front steps, what will I say? What will I do?

I will want to kiss them, and hug them, and tell them how much daddy loves them; how safe they will be with me; how sure I am about all of the incredible & scary changes coming their way in the next few months – that it will be OK, trust me. I will want to hold them – because I never have before – stroke their hair & face, look deeply into their beautiful eyes and sing the song I sang to my biological children when they were small. Just some goofy little song I made up when Chloe was young (like she’s so old at 11!), but that I have sang to every one of my children – still do sometimes. I will want to fix whatever wounds and gashes their little hearts have suffered – knowing full well this will not be possible in a four day visit. I will want to immediately take my place as their “tatus” (daddy in Polish – pronounced “tatoozs”) even though that time has only come in the spiritual sense. I will probably cry when I arrive and again when we leave to head back to the US. I hope they don’t think I’m crazy.

I know a little Polish. I can say “hello” and “I love you” and “beautiful girl/boy.” I have wondered if I should. Do I express these deep emotions to my children whom I did not bring home from the hospital? If this was the BIG trip to bring them home, then ABSOLUTELY….but this is basically visitation rights for a few days. I think the social workers and those in the adoption center want to see if we can do this. Can we connect with these children? Will we want to continue this adoption after we meet the kids? I can tell you for us, this is not a question.

We wonder if the adoption authorities will want to continue with us? What kind of first impression will they have of meeting us and spending time drilling down into our life to see if we’re thinking clearly (I really don’t think they think we are consciously aware of what we are getting into). All we can do is be ourselves, answer their questions honestly, and trust the Lord to be with us and give us favor. Both with the adoption folks and with our children……First impressions will matter a lot.

I think we’ve concluded to simply LOVE THEM ALL.

We will LOVE the folks we meet with in Warsaw who have the power to say YES or NO.
We will LOVE our wonderful agency liaison who will show us the ropes and keep us calm.
We will LOVE the Polish people as we experience their culture and kindness.
We will LOVE the social worker who will “observe” our first meeting with the kids.
We will LOVE the foster parents who have kept our kids healthy and safe.
And we will LOVE our children. Deeply. Honestly. With intensity.

The Bible says “LOVE covers a multitude of sins.” While I don’t think we’ll be doing any sinning, it’s comforting to know the Love of God through our lives overcomes things even as deeply as sin. If I say the wrong thing…….wear the wrong shoes……get emotional about everything……have trouble connecting with one or more of the kids…..over-share……tell jokes no one understands……But if I LOVE them all well, God will help take care of all the unknowns.

So if I’m authentic in my care & concern…..if I prefer them over myself…..if I’m conscientious of my words and how I treat others, particularly Amy…..if I keep my spirit resting in the Spirit of God, whether things go splendidly or if we have some rough spots…..if I make sure to be warm and kind…..if I go to serve rather than be served…..if I honor all of them deeply, honestly…..how can we fail?

I wish more of us lived that way in our everyday lives. I think I’ve concluded this will be my new norm. My new paradigm. I will just LOVE first…..and let the Lord take care of the lasting impressions.

Eph 5:1-2 – Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 

I have purposely held out for this follow-up to our last post waiting on some things to come through. Now where did we leave off…………

On February 26th, 2015, the adoption committee at our children’s local agency reviewed our file and rendered a decision. Friday, we waited patiently (OK, that was a bit of a stretch), er, anxiously for the news of their decision. None came. We were so disappointed but were assured we would definitely know something by Monday.

Monday, March 1st, our family was in Kroger doing some middle-of-the-day grocery shopping on my day off. As we were walking past the juice aisle, my phone rang and it had a distinct Washington State area code. Of course I answered and found a bench to talk to Rebecca, our agent.
WE WERE APPROVED!! AH, what a relief it was (and not because of Alka Seltzer!). Getting this important news felt like a major hurdle had been overcome! Like we had broken through some barrier keeping us 4000 miles from our children, whom we had (and still have) never met but loved as if we brought them home from the hospital.
I found Amy staring at salad dressings, struggling to concentrate knowing the phone call I was on. When I told her the wonderful news, our family gathered right there next to the Hidden Valley and prayed prayers of thanksgiving and gratitude! I’ll never forget that moment.

But, there were a couple of catches. This is still a government, after all.
-First, they requested Amy and I travel for a week-long trip to interview with the adoption authorities, MEET THE CHILDREN, and spend a few days with them. We were really hoping not to have to make this first trip (we’ve known since July this was a possibility) but were ecstatic at the news we would get to love on our kids!
-Second, when we returned for the six-week long trip, they requested we bring our whole family – all four of our biological kids with us. Of course, this wasn’t an issue because we had always planned to do this. It adds around $7500 to the cost of the trip, but how could we not take them?
-Finally, and what turned out to be, most traumatic, they were sending our approval, plan, and full dossier to the Ministry of Justice in Warsaw for an “opinion” on what the committee had rendered. Normally this happens AFTER a family has immigration approval from the US and is set to travel. The MOJ sets the court dates and issues travel dates. It’s a little out of the ordinary to send them a family’s file this early, but they wanted their approval before we traveled.

We figured it would be a week or so for the committee to hear back from the MOJ, issue the referral, and we would submit our I800 in preparation for our first trip. Well, that didn’t happen.
It took A MONTH to hear back. A MONTH! Have you ever had to wait for a month for something you thought would take a week? Something big. Something important. Something life-changing? As the weeks passed, we started to wonder, could the MOJ reject the approval? Could they change their mind? Would they approve us for our children? To say we were cool, calm, and collected those whole four weeks, would be a lie. At first, we waited patiently…..sure. But then I got anxious. My wife is always the more steady-as-she-goes one of us. But even she began to wonder what was taking so long.

I would ask the Lord why the delay? We had an approval! Why now push us back? We didn’t feel like we needed to break a barrier or win an unseen spiritual battle like before. We just had to trust and wait.
That is SO DIFFICULT.

All the Lord would say is to remind us this wasn’t JUST about us. There were many angles on which He was working. Many people’s lives He wanted to touch through the process. We couldn’t see it, it didn’t make sense, but He kept telling us He had this.

In the midst of this waiting, I decided to write in my journal, all the things God had miraculously accomplished or provided; all the ways He had made Himself known; all the confirmations He had sent. Do you know what I came up with?
Miracles.
Miracles in connecting our family to these children. Read about that Here.
Miracles of approval when we should have been denied according to their own rules.
Miracles of provision to the tune of $35,000!
Miracles of confirmation from many – even some who didn’t know they were confirming.
The miraculous hand of the Lord had been on this from the beginning. I counted 17 distinct miracles or God-moments, big and small, since June of 2014. As of this writing there have been minimally THREE additional.

If God himself has that much invested into this, surely He wouldn’t pull the rug out now! Right?

This week opened with Palm Sunday. We had a great time with our children waving palm branches at church! They loved it! Next Sunday is Easter. Major day for churches everywhere. We’ve been preparing for this for a couple of months. Ready to welcome all of our regulars, newcomers, and what I call “Chreasters” (people who come to church on Christmas & Easter). I took Monday off, knowing this week would be insane later, and had a pretty discouraging day on Tuesday. I was frustrated. I wanted to know about our children. Admittedly, I was doubting whether God was hearing me.

Doubt is a human thing. It’s common to all of us. On occasion, we will even doubt or question our most dearly held beliefs. I think it’s normal to wrestle like that sometimes. And, contrary to what I grew up hearing, God is OK with your doubt. Consider Thomas, one of Jesus’ disciples. He doubted Jesus had actually risen from the dead. He basically said, I’ll believe it when I see it. When Jesus showed up and appeared to this doubter, there was no ridicule, no chastisement, no anger from the Lord…..just compassion and grace. And Thomas believed. God can handle your doubts, too. He only asks you to BELIEVE.

Yesterday, I heard. Rebecca called and said the MOJ had our final approval and we could travel for our first trip as early as next week!!! Frankly, I’ll get on a plane TODAY if I could! This is a MAJOR HURDLE overcome! We have our approval! The only way we can mess this up now is if I showed up to our interview sans pants or something (which will NOT happen – Amy wouldn’t approve!).  We will meet our children for the first time within the month! We were speechless at God’s plan and timing. He is perfect in both. Learning that has not been an easy process, but a necessary one. There is more yet He has in both of those paradigms for our lives….and honestly, for yours as well.

So what’s next?
Well, we will travel to Poland for a week or so in the next few weeks. We don’t have dates yet, but we appreciate your prayers.
When our official referral comes through via email we will submit our I800. I am grateful for Senator Dan Coats and our friend Jen who works for him. They are willing to make a call to USCIS on our behalf to attempt to expedite our I800 approval!
After our first trip and USCIS approval, we should be a month to six weeks from our six-week trip with our whole family…..so late May/June? June/July? Not sure yet.

How can you be part of this?
1. Pray for us, for our biological kids to connect and for our Polish kids to connect and bond as we merge two distinct sets of siblings.
2. Pray everything from here out is smooth and without incident.
3. Pray we get great deals on flights, hotels, etc for both of our trips. Our budget is tight and funds limited. TEN people have to travel home with us….that’s a lot of $$!!
4 Give. If you want to be a part of this in a tangible way, you can give. We certainly don’t expect this, but it is an option if you would desire. To date, we are still in need of around $7000 to cover the remainder of our estimated travel expenses. But you know how that goes….there’s always something which comes up for which you did not plan!
If you want to give, please give here at our gofundme.com campaign.

THANK YOU so very much for joining us on this journey!!