3AM came rather early on Tuesday morning. Yep, that’s what time my children, after

Leaving ORD a Family of SIX

28+ hours of travel on Monday, got up. I thought for sure we would sleep in. Instead we were finding things to do at 5:30AM to pass the time. We had a few hours to kill.
We picked the kids up at 11AM on Tuesday, May 26th. They were totally ready to go and ran to meet “Mama” and “Dada” on the stairs. We both got four REAL hugs, if you know what I mean. It was fantastic to see them and hug them and kiss them again. We spent a few minutes at the house going over some things with the foster mom. All of our court docs were in order so we loaded up the three duffle bags and two loose bags she had packed for them and headed out. First time together as a family. It was a pretty amazing moment; a little sureal. The rest of the day was a whirlwind of grocery shopping, introductions, setting up our home for the next three weeks, and wading into the deep end of the pool (figuratively – it’s WAY too cold in Northern Poland). A pretty profound set of moments when you think about it. I’m sure there’s a series of blog posts in there somewhere….whenever I can get my heart around it.

So….how are we doing so far??

Shiloh (A-3) is a little fearful at night in a new place. She cries a little both the past two nights but manages OK. She fell down the stairs today – which was scary for all of us as they are tiled – but we think she’s alright. She can’t really tell us if she is, so we are making our best guess. She is so stoic, yet, when she starts to trust you, she is just delightful. Her authentic laugh is contagious and lighthearted. She’s also a ferocious eater, which one would not expect from such a tiny individual. She has really started to trust and warm up to both Amy and I (which has been a process), but she is still pretty distant from the kids. Pray this improves over time. She makes progress every day….she’s just takes a little more time (just thought of another blog post :-))

Chloe (B-11) and Abigail (A-8) have really bonded. Abby very clearly is attached to Chloe and thinks the world of her. To the point Chloe is having some trouble getting enough time with the other kids, and the other kids with Abigail. This drives me nuts as I want them all to bond…but I keep remembering it’s only the second day. Court is 3 weeks from tomorrow. We have time to work stuff like that out. Surely they’ll get a little sick of each other at some point, right? Abigail, though is an amazing girl. I think I have a clone of Chloe in lots of ways – and I’m so very good with this!!! VERY bright, kind, compassionate, practical (which I love), affectionate, strong, determined, hopeful, and totally with us. She fell first (for us, I mean) and we love her so much. She is so beautiful. Her and Chloe are just amazing together.

Judah (A-6) is often a bit of a lost puppy. He was very clearly the odd man out in his sibling group of four. He is relishing having brothers. He thought it was awesome all four of them had Avenger’s hoodies to wear. He is Thor with a cape and pretty much hasn’t taken the thing off! The boys are playing well together. At times he’ll really have fun with Isaac (B-4), and at times with Gabe (B-8). Elijah (B-10) is being an EXCELLENT older brother trying to take care of his little sisters and make sure Judah isn’t left out. Judah tends to be a little mopey if he feels left out or that enough attention isn’t being paid to him. He will get through it, though. We had a nice talk with him yesterday via google translator. He’s a very nice & gentle boy – not very demonstrative (kind of like Gabriel), but he has obviously not been raised around boys. Luckily, the three amigos are here to save the day. Being now surrounded by so much testosterone is somewhat liberating for him! We played football (American, thank you very much) today for quite a while and HE LOVED IT (I was Aaron Rodgers-Carlson and threw a SWWEEEEEETTT pass to Jordy/Eli Nelson-Carlson straight down the seem…the catch was pretty good too!!)! Particularly when Judah scored a TD and we would all cheer for him. He’s NEVER experienced the love of a dad, so this is new for him. Ya know that need boys have to please their father….maybe you’ve heard of it…..it’s alive and well in Judah. I’m working hard to help re-program his “daddy-meter” so he knows he is loved AND accepted.

Naomi (A-5) is a whirlwind of energy and drama. She is so very sweet, but also incredibly energetic and generally joyful until she doesn’t get her way. She is VERY bonded to Amy and they have even had to work through Naomi being a little naughty a couple of times. Amy handles it so beautifully and Naomi always apologizes and kisses here three times – both cheeks and the lips. Getting her to settle down at night or for her nap is a chore (but, not bragging here but this is one of my specialties!). And Shiloh always does whatever Naomi does, so this can be hard. Last night, they were 99% asleep and all the sudden Naomi sits up and declares she needs a drink and to go to the bathroom – just like it was the middle of the day. Shiloh followed suit. Before I knew it they were both out of the bed and in the hallway. I could have swore they were asleep! Nonetheless, Naomi is just full of joy. She is an easy laugh and very artistic. She is independent and opinionated. She talks a mile a minute…in Polish, so we have NO IDEA what she says. Even our Polish friends who have seen her on video can’t quite keep up! She’s the one we really have to keep an eye on or she may end up at the next house seeing if they might be willing to give her their dog. They are lovely girls, all three of them, and their lovely sister from America makes four beautiful girls I am honored to call my daughters.

As I said, Chloe is doing amazing. I’m so proud of her for sharing us and letting these four kids in her life. She loves them and it shows. Not every 11 year old, with insane hormones, could do this. Chloe surpasses them all!
Lewis struggled the first day. We weren’t sure if he was just tired, or felt threatened. Yesterday I made him take a nap (boy did we have a negotiation session! He lobbied for a 10 minute nap. I countered with 45…I won.) AND he went to bed early. He slept the latest this morning and was totally his normal, Lewis-like-self…joyful, funny, and ornery. We were glad he was back, though we’re concerned he and Naomi together, if they ever figure it out, could rule the world – hopefully for the better…. He’s a little too pushy with Shiloh, trying to get her to like him. She takes time. He will learn…or she may punch him.

Gabe had the hardest time with jetlag. He was SO VERY TIRED all day Monday and Tuesday. Then he started to miss Charlie the dog and wept all afternoon yesterday. He, like Lewis, slept well last night and was very much his jovial, care free, self. He also caught a queen beetle of some variety (he really should be an etymologist) and this made his day….he also got to scare his new little sisters with it in a jar! There are snails on the sidewalks early in the morning. He is having a blast looking at them. Sometimes I wonder, with my serious fear of bugs of all varieties, from where his love of all varieties of them came??

Elijah has been, to use miss Candy’s term, a warrior. I told him I felt before this trip, he would really grow up through this and we would see him become a powerful young man. I know it’s only two days in, but I am so amazed at how gentle he is and how much he cares for his little siblings (ALL OF THEM). He loves those little girls. Shiloh still isn’t sure about him, but he’s determined to win her heart, and I think he will. They’ll probably be the best of buds before we head home. I’ve never been more proud of him in my life. Oh, he’s done the normal “Elijah whining” here and there, but mostly he’s been a jewel…er….warrior.

Mom & Dad….well….that will have to be for another day. I know we are totally, head over heels, in love with all eight of our children. I don’t know how or why we are so blessed….but writing about it will have to wait until I sort out more of what’s filling up my heart.

While we are in the home stretch of this side of this adoption, we know the rest is just beginning. As difficult as some of the things we have walked through have been, I suspect some of the challenges we face as the family tree of our children changes will be much more intense. It’s a spiritual battle.

We leave on Sunday. This Sunday. May 24th. Our “Gotcha Day” as it is called in the adoption world is May 26th. We will pick the children up from their foster parents, and for all intents and purposes,, they will become part of our family. I can’t help but feel in a spiritual way, they always have been, but now it will be official! What an amazing moment that will be, as we, for the last time descend the 85 steps and roll out of the street Siri can’t quite pronounce correctly to head to our new home away from home….as a family. One, giant, family of ten. I can’t wait!

As Amy and I have reflected on this impending day, we continue to be overwhelmed with an amazing sense of gratitude. I thought I’d take this last post on this side of the new beginning and mention some key people & groups who have walked with us so faithfully. This is always dangerous as I don’t want to leave anyone out…..I will do my best to keep this simple.

Children’s House International
Well, this wouldn’t be happening without you. Thank you Nina & Rebecca for believing in us and for asking us to take a risk on these kids. Without your encouragement, I’m not sure we ever would have asked for Poland to bend the rules for us. Thank you Rebecca……You answered every question; you responded to my texts & called me from your cell phone in a parking lot. Heck, you even came to visit us here in Indiana. God knew what He was doing when He connected our family with CHI & you. We wouldn’t have wanted to do this with anyone else.
And our friend, Grace. Wow how much you have worked for us even before we knew who you were. Of course, you were already famous in our minds, but meeting you was one of the most special moments of this process. Our kindred spirits and mutual love for God and orphans is incredible. To see you advocate for the children, to go to bat for them is unmatched. We will try to express it, but you’ll never know how much we appreciate & love you. You are a friend for life and an honorary Carlson :-)!!

JSC Foundation
You were the first granting agency to believe in this call of God.

Help Us Adopt
How grateful we are you came along side of us so quickly.

Families Outreach
You came on a day we needed it.

Kaitlyn’s Fund
You people are amazing. NO ONE prayed over us and this process like you. You were a partner in this thing and we will never forget that.

Brittany’s Hope
Connected through our agency, but what an amazing gift!

Hands of Hope
Thank you for the ministry you do for Indiana families. You are spreading the love of Christ in amazing ways.

A Child Waits
We are so grateful for you. Always concerned for us and our children. Your hearts for them and us are incredible.

Gift of Adoption
You finished this race for us. We can bring our children home without financial worries. You’ll never know the peace this has brought us.

The Ladies of GRACE
I still do not have words to say what you have done for us. I am speechless.

The Journey Church
What can you say about such an amazing church family. You have loved us, supported us, prayed for us, walked with us, hurt with us when things were shaky, rejoiced with us when good news came, sacrificially given to this cause – no one has given collectively more than you, and now you’re letting us go to finish this process for a VERY LONG six weeks. There are so many of you we could name….probably all of you who have done something significant or played some important role in this journey we have taken together. You are with us…..and we have felt it the whole time. We thank God every day for you. Always know we NEVER take you for granted.

To our Families
More than I could say. Your opportunity is before you….to be grandparents, aunts & uncles, and cousins to these precious children. They will know you and love you like no other. You will be part of making them who they are. We chose this for our family…you didn’t. We know that. We are grateful you have come along side of us and welcomed these children, albeit only in spirit so far, you will soon hug their necks and kiss their faces, changing their family tree and heritage with us. We couldn’t do this without you.

Special Friends
I won’t name you here for your own privacy. And I’m certain a few of you would punch me in the nose if I did, but you know who you are. It is rare for a pastor to have such close friends. People he can be himself around. People who will hear his heart. People who won’t freak out when he thinks out loud or says something stupid. People who will love his family. People who will stand beside him through the thick and thin – especially when others are abandoning. People who will travel halfway around the world to support what God is doing through his family. You have valued our journey. You have let me shut up and bend. You have saved my truck. You have loved my kids like a grandparent. You have befriended my wife. You have told us the truth. You have encouraged us with care and prayer and love. You have walked beside us in some crazy things. You have shaken your head at insane ideas. You have empowered mission even when it really was crazy. What you have done is nothing short of miraculous. We have not missed that. I know we don’t say it enough, but you are special to us. You mean the world to us. You show us Jesus. Thank you. I only hope one day we will be as much Christ to you as you have been to us.

Our Father, Jesus Christ His Son, & The Holy Spirit
Thank you Father. The love you so powerfully demonstrated has modeled for us what it truly means to love unconditionally. Jesus, you went to the cross for us; you intercede for us; you stand in the gap for us. Forever you will be praised. Holy Spirit….thank you for the miraculous work of grace you continue to process in our lives. Without the work of grace you’ve done in us, we would never be able to give the love of God to others. May we be humble and grateful and submitted to your will & plan forever.

In Gratitude,
Jeff & Amy

It’s taken ten months to get here. No, eleven.
I’ve lost count.

Next Sunday, May 24th we will board a Lufthansa plane bound for Poland, our four biological children in tow, to bond, legally adopt, and bring home our four beautiful kids waiting right now for us to come back.

I have so many things rolling through my head right now. So many thoughts I eventually want to write about, and probably will, on this blog. I’ve learned so much already. My faith has grown. I understand Father God in a way I never had considered. I am not the same person I once was. Neither is my wife. Neither are my children. This has changed everything.

It would be easy to assume this last trip is the end of this journey. Like we will land in America sometime in July and the end has come. I suppose this is partially true. But then again, it’s not true at all. Sure, the end of this portion of the journey is upon us. We have a few more hurdles to leap. A judge to contend with. EIGHT children in an unfamiliar place, eating unfamiliar things, surrounded by an unfamiliar culture for six weeks. I’m certain it will be unforgettable. But it will end. We will get through court. We will get visas and passports, we will survive US customs and immigration, and we will come home. It will end.

Actually, I think it’s more of a beginning than an end. I preach to my congregation often a spiritual truth I believe applies here as well. Whatever you’re going through, whatever God is working in your life isn’t for now. Oh it most assuredly feels like it is and if the situation is difficult, you probably are looking forward to the end. The problem is, God doesn’t have a finite view of time like we do. Our lives aren’t laid out on some divine timeline to God. He sees our lives woven IN time; THROUGH time; BEFORE & AFTER time – at least our time. What’s happening in your life today is probably to help you get through something or help someone else through something in a decade.

Joseph was sold into slavery so he could eventually save all of Israel.
David was hunted by a tyrant so he could learn to trust in the Lord to govern Israel.
Paul was put in prison so 2000 years later we could read the letters he wrote.
John was isolated on Patmos so God could reveal to him the final message to the church.
Jesus was crucified for the billions who would one day, eventually, believe.

It’s always about something else. It’s always a beginning. The end of our something is often the beginning of God unfolding His plan through our lives. You can’t lead someone where you haven’t been. You can’t walk with someone down a pathway unfamiliar and be of benefit. I think the fact we cannot see all the “why” answers to our situation is incredibly frustrating. It makes us want to give up sometimes, especially when the whole being faithful thing gets impossible. But if we could just for a moment see….if we could get a glimpse of what God was ultimately doing….if we could have faith in what we cannot see or understand, I think we’d see beauty.

Have you ever had the “aha” moment with God? Where all of the sudden all the cosmos align and you totally understand the plan and ways of the Lord in your life? They don’t come often, but when they do, it’s beautiful. When we finally see God has a plan; He hasn’t abandoned us; He’s working things for OUR good and HIS purposes, we can have peace, whether in the end or the beginning.

So our new beginning happens next week. In my mind I have expectations and thoughts on how this whole thing will go. But truthfully, we don’t know. We do know God has led us here. His hand has been evident from the very first google search. He’s proven His will over and over and over again. What will God use these last eleven months for in our future or someone else’s? No idea. But I’m excited to find out!

Maybe you find yourself at an end or even a beginning of something God is orchestrating (which is EVERYTHING). Trust Him…..that’s really all I can encourage you with. If you feel you’re in the throws of the fight of your life and you just can’t wait for it to end….trust Him. If you’re at the end of a trial or even a victory, look for the new beginning God is getting ready to start in you. Every end is a beginning.

And God’s beginnings are beautiful.

Have you ever been in that awkward position when you have to try to parent someone else’s kid? It’s really not easy to do for lots of reasons, but primarily because chances are, those other parents choose to parent their children in a way different style than you would. So when you try to correct or lead another kid, it often is difficult to do.

Now imagine trying to parent a child which is indeed your child, but over whom you’ve never had real authority….and frankly still don’t. But you are put in a position to try to do this.
This is what it’s like to be on a first adoption trip, have the children out and alone with you, need to parent them, but not really know to what kind of parenting they will respond or even how they’ve been parented in their foster home or orphanage…and forget the fact this older child, we’ll call her Abby, also spent six years with her biological family, followed by at least two foster homes. No doubt every one of those places parented differently…..or maybe even not at all.

Amy and I, during our whole visit, felt like we were parenting from the middle. Needing to parent but trying to do so with no real authority or permission. It was interesting.

But like usual, God had prepared a way. The story I’m about to tell you is probably one of my favorite, if not my favorite moment from the five-day visit with our children.

Sunday was an interesting day. We did not go see the children until late afternoon since we needed to take a look at some potential places to stay with all 10 of us when we return. We found a lovely place with some wonderful hosts! We also ventured up to the town where the children were born and took a look at the Baltic Sea. Figured we were so close…..why not? Before you get excited about our “beach” visit, please know it was 40 degrees and VERY windy. Not exactly sun-bathing weather! But it was beautiful….looking from this vantage point, the next point of land would be Sweden.

After a nice lunch near the beach (I think Amy had two kinds of COLD FISH! I opted for the schnitzel and potatoes.), we headed back to the kid’s apartment for yet another 85 step climb. We had a nice visit for a couple of hours, playing with them in their bedrooms and then left for our hotel, promising to be back bright and early to take them for the day. It was cute when Abby, our oldest in this bunch, let us know all she had planned for Monday….a walk…shopping…photo booth at the mall….lunch, and fun. She was so excited.

In the course of the visit we discovered Abby had a Facebook page. Wait…what?
She’s eight years old, mind you. Then we found out talking with her, she has had it since she was SIX!! Yep, her biological parents set her up with a Facebook page so she could communicate with them and vice versa. Her biological father also gave her an old cell phone which couldn’t make calls but, when connected to wifi, could get on the internet. We were VERY UNCOMFORTABLE with all of this. But what could we do? We were only her mom and dad in our hearts, not legally yet. We had no authority to take the phone away or cancel her Facebook account. We knew it wasn’t Abby’s fault, she was innocent, but we were concerned.

We left with our concerns to our hotel and, as we were talking about it, I noticed some Facebook notifications on my app. Yes, you guessed it, Abby had found our Facebook page and started liking pics and even commenting on a few. She was very sweet and saying things which made our hearts melt, but that wasn’t the point! We wondered what the courts would think if they found out we had this kind of contact with her? Was this a good thing or a bad thing? We knew our biological children would not have access to Facebook (I can’t understand why any parent allows their young children to have Facebook, but hey, that’s us) for several more years, but here we are, stuck parenting from the middle. I called Grace and she was concerned. She said to “block her right away!” so I did. That hurt a little. My first great action as a parent is to block my daughter from having access to me. Wonderful.

Small caveat. How often do we do for our children what is RIGHT over what is POPULAR? Hopefully we always consider the wisdom of decisions we make for them, or help them make, based on what is best for them. I know as a parent we do sometimes make decisions for them on what is best for US or what we prefer rather than what is right for them. We must consider what we are teaching them; what we are showing them is important or unimportant in life; how they should respond to adversity or even victory and so many more things. I believe we would do better, present company included, if we more often made selfless decisions for their good. They won’t always like it, but this ensures they have the very best chance at life.
Isn’t this what God does for us?

So, I blocked her. It hurt a little.
Amy said, “We need to go over there and talk to her.”
I said, “Why? We can talk to her tomorrow?”
Amy said, “No, we need to go now. We can help her understand, but not from here.”
And this is parenting from the middle.
Amy was SO right, as much as it pains me to admit!

I called Grace back and explained to her why we needed to go back to the foster home at 8 o’clock at night. She came to pick us up, and again we climbed the 85 steps to deal with our first hard situation with one of our kids. We found Abby sad and a little mopey. Definitely not the lovely and bright little girl we had come to expect. We took her in the bedroom so we could talk privately with her. Through Grace’s translation, we had a conversation which went something like this:

Jeff – First, you’re not in trouble, and this isn’t your fault.
Abby – Bursts into tears and cries hard on my chest while I held her. Heart breaking.
Daddy – Facebook can be good but it can also be dangerous, especially for beautiful little girls like you……etc, etc, etc. Plus, you are our daughter in our hearts, but the courts have to make it official. They might not like us having this kind of contact yet.
In a family, when we make mistakes (and both moms & dads, and kids make them) we don’t stop loving each other; we don’t give up on each other. We fix it, forgive, move on, and most of all, never stop loving each other.
Abby (through the translator & paraphrased) – I thought I blew it. That you wouldn’t want me anymore. That you wouldn’t want to take me home to be your daughter.
Mommy & Daddy – Crying. SSSSOOOOO broken over this statement. She believed we wouldn’t want her anymore because in her mind she had blown this chance to have a family. Not only her chance, but her siblings as well. Wow.
Daddy – Abby, you are our daughter. We love you and nothing will ever change that. There is nothing you could do to make that stop, or make us not want you, or not want you in our family. You are our daughter. Period. Forever.
Abby – Giant smile through her tears. Relief all over her body & spirit.
Daddy – When we get you home, we will give you everything you need. You won’t have to worry about it. You won’t have to wonder. We will always love you, always provide what you need, always take care of you. That will happen in a few weeks. Until then, will you trust us? Will you trust we know what is best for you and will do everything we can to protect and love you? Will you trust us?
Abby – Yes, I will trust you.

We hugged it out, probably smooched on her A LOT and went back out in the kitchen with the rest of the family.
I cannot adequately express in this blog what this conversation did for us and for Abby – and probably by association, the other three as well.

When we arrived the next morning, Abby ran to us and in broken English told us on her own without a translator, “I deleted my Facebook, Skype, Gmail, and Instagram. I trust you.”

We melted.

I said, “Abby, we are SO PROUD OF YOU! This is very brave, and we love you so much for trusting us.” We had a wonderful last full day together.

I have learned a lot about trust in this journey. Trusting my agency & agent, trusting the process, trusting my instincts, trusting my wife’s instincts, and most of all, trusting God. Abby put her trust in our hearts even though we aren’t yet legally her parents and have no real claim over her outside of what’s in our hearts before God. But the trust she exhibited towards us was amazing…..and child-like. It’s how I’ve tried to approach God through this process, and now with everything in my life. I think my faith is more child-like now than it has ever been. I want the Lord to know I trust Him. Even when I don’t understand. Even when it hurts. I trust Him. Just like Abby trusts us.

Do you trust Him?