Just a quick update on our progress. We have an officially APPROVED home study!! Apparently we weren’t that crazy and our social worker gave us the green light!! This is a wonderful step forward. As of this writing, Amy and I have applied for more than ten adoption grants. This has been a bit of a daunting process, as some grant forms are rather quick and simple, and others are like writing a novel – or more like an autobiography because one shouldn’t make stuff up on a grant application! I actually said a hefty “THANK GOD” when I dropped the last of these in the mail yesterday!
We made a list of all the grants and how much they contribute towards one’s adoption. Were we to receive all of them (which I’m certain we will not) the funds would be more than enough to cover the $33,000 we have left to pay. As I thought about this and silently said some prayers for God’s favor over these applications (as I’m sure nearly every other applicant is doing), explaining to God, as if He wasn’t aware, that if we don’t get some of these grants, completing this adoption will become very difficult. If you’re like me, we are really good at explaining to God, the creator of the universe who threw the stars in the sky, keeps the planets in orbit, and makes sure the sparrows have food, all the things He needs to do to help our situation. In this instance, as I prayed prayers I’ve prayed dozens and dozens of times, I was stopped dead in my tracks.
On this Tuesday evening, I had a little meltdown….worried about the finances (or lack thereof) at our church; worried about my family as our finances are inextricably tied to the church; and worried how we will pull this adoption thing off (stay with me here….this isn’t a whine-fest….I have a point!). Honestly, I was scared and fear was taking over.
What if we don’t get ANY grants?
What if giving doesn’t increase at our church and we also don’t get a paycheck?
(and the descent begins)
What if an Ebola pandemic erupts and i can’t get to my kids?
What if the blood moon thing is real and the whole world is about to collapse?
(and on and on and on it goes – hey, pastors are human too!)
It’s like the Holy Spirit grabbed me by the nape of my neck, like my grandpa used to do when I was little, and whispered in my ear, “Son, who is your source?”
That’s not a word of comfort or help. Where’s the poetic Psalm or wisdom of Proverbs, or the TAKE HEART of the Gospels? “Who is your source?” That’s all I get in this moment of doom?
What i think God was really asking me, is in whom do I trust? Am I counting on the granting agencies to provide for this God-ordained mission? Am I hoping a few more families will begin to tithe and that will solve all the financial stresses at the church? Do I trust the CDC and US Government to protect my family from Ebola?
Look, there are ALWAYS many more reasons to be scared. Many more reasons to want to run away and hide. Many more reasons to just throw in the towel….to stop believing. But there’s ONE really good reason to not……
Because HE (God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit) is in control AND He is FAITHFUL and full of everlasting LOVE.
That’s it. Profound, right?
But how often, when facing uncertainty, do so many of us forget this FACT? How often do we fall into despair forgetting how amazing God is? This is so easy to do, and can be so challenging to get out of, but here’s what I’ve concluded for my uncertainties:
If we get 0 grants – God is in control.
If everyone in my church stops giving – God is in control.
If Ebola or Isis or democrats (or republicans if you’re on the other side of the aisle) wins control in the next election – God is in control.
When no one is ordering from your business and you’re scared you may have to close up shop – God is in control.
When you’ve been diagnosed with a nasty disease – God is in control.
When the WHOLE WORLD seems like it might fall apart – God is in control.
He DELIGHTS in those who DON’T STOP BELIEVING just because of uncertainty.
My faith is in God. My hope is in His ability and omnipotence to cover every possible scenario. He never promised us a nice peaceful existence with daffodils and luscious bluegrass in which to frolic. All He promised was that if we BELIEVED in HIM….we’d never thirst again….never have to worry….never have to fret….and that He would always be with us.
That’s enough for me.
I hope He is enough for you.