The email I received in reply let me know the ladies at CHI had forwarded my email to their on-the-ground in country liaison. But there’s a slight wrinkle. The on-the ground liaison isn’t exactly on-the-ground. She’s here in the States visiting her family! But from the States she had forwarded our email on to the main authorities to see what they would think. Now look, it’s important for us to understand the weight this country places on their birth order rule:

Two families had previously inquired about these children with the main authorities with less complicated birth order issues than us. Immediately the reply was “NO.” No discussion. No advocacy. Just “NO.” Why should we expect to be any different?

Honestly, we didn’t. We were inquiring because we believed God wanted us to, but Amy and I had refused to allow our hopes to rise. We wanted these children, sure. We believed God wanted us to have them, yes. But we could be wrong, right?

So we did what every normal Christian who’s ever read the book of Joshua does in a situation like this……we put out a fleece! Now I don’t recommend employing a fleece (asking God to show you his will with a physical or tangible act) for every decision. But for MAJOR decisions or life-altering situations, we have found it to be quite helpful. The key to a fleece is making sure it’s only something God can do (you can’t be able to manipulate the outcome) and you can’t tell anyone about it (so THEY can’t manipulate the outcome). It has to be God. Our fleece was this….if the main adoption authorities in Poland came back with an agreement to CONSIDER us….to review our file…then we would take that as God telling us this was His will and we should move forward. We figured for this to happen, with the complicated birth order thing, and the history of Poland saying “NO” to people less complicated than us, this would have to be God. Our wonderful case workers at CHI asked us to write a little bio of our family and attach a few pictures to send on to the on-the-ground liaison. We did so and then just had to trust God would show us what the next step would be. These kids were in danger of being split up….basically our deal with God was (neither do I recommend you make “deals’ with God a habit!!) to move on our behalf in the country so we could adopt them, or bring along another qualifying family to trump us who would take all four. They simply could not be split up no matter what!!

Three days went by. We still didn’t allow our hopes to rise. We knew the on-the-ground liaison was on-the-ground in the States until the middle of July so we didn’t expect to hear much until she returned to Europe. We went to Elkhart to visit my parents and sister’s family over the fourth – so at least our minds and hearts were occupied.

I was sitting with my brother-in-law Scott on his couch at his place on July 3rd. Just hanging out celebrating my niece’s 11th birthday. We were getting ready to head back to my moms when I checked my email (remember, I always break the rule!). I was shocked to have something from Rebecca at CHI. She was as shocked in her email as I was to receive it…….POLAND had agreed to review our file!!! This was HUGE since they had only ever said “NO” to families like ours! They weren’t saying “YES” but they also weren’t saying “NO!” It was a solid…..”MAYBE.” And we would take it!!

Rebecca wanted to talk soon. It was almost 9PM here, but nearly 6PM where CHI is located. I asked if she wanted to wait until after the 4th or talk now. She didn’t know it, but my heart was racing and my eyes were huge. Amy and I were thinking, “This all just became a real possibility.” Isn’t it amazing how surprised we are when God reveals Himself in just the way we had asked? Rebecca was happy to talk right then – and this is what I have grown to LOVE about CHI – so I called her. We talked a few minutes about home studies, the next steps, and the fact that Poland wanted to know we were serious. She was very clear, this wasn’t an approval but only an agreement to take a stroll with our family. The on-the-ground liaison would be returning in two weeks, and CHI’s director would be joining her – what great timing for advocacy, right? We had two weeks to do whatever we could to show Poland we were serious and wanted these kids to be ours. If we could get a few things on the record, we might have a real chance. We were all shocked at this whole thing and really standing in amazment at all God was doing for these wonderful kids.

The only person not shocked (I mean my mom still wasn’t sure we hadn’t lost our marbles….and looking back, I’m not so sure Amy wasn’t a little in her camp at this point, too!!) was our friend, Kim…..who made clear to me, “God already said ‘Yes”!!”

Every day, I break one of the cardinal rules of “executives” who work in an office setting. I check my email like a bazillion times. The experts, whomever they may be, tell you not to, but only once late morning, and once more 30 minutes before you head home. I fail miserably at this rule. So, like normal, as soon as I shot the website contact off to the agency listing the sibling group of four I had just inquired about, I checked my email.

The tinging of my outlook is nothing significant. but the email I received from the agency to which I had previously sent an email was. The case worker who had received my email was very kind in responding to me. She said that her agency, Children’s House International, would be happy to help us on our journey to adoption and recommended a couple of country programs into which we could look. Then she said something to the effect she knows we’re only looking for two kids, but she had a sibling group she couldn’t help but share with us. If the four siblings in the attached picture did not find a family soon, they would be split up and adopted out separately……I popped open the picture she had attached. Staring back at me were the four faces of the very same children I had just found and inquired about on the photolisting website. I couldn’t believe it. Literally in the same moment I received another email from another case worker at CHI who had received my inquiry from the photolisting website about those same children. It suddenly dawned on me, I was talking to two different people at the SAME agency about the SAME children!

I had yet to say ANyTHING to Amy…..

So I took a picture of the picture on my email and texted her. I said something like, “Hey! Check out these four kids. I think maybe we’re supposed to bring them into our family.” I’ve learned a lot in 14 years of marriage. One of those things is the fact Amy moves much sssssllllllllloooooowwwwwweeeeerrrrrrr than me. I was ready to get on a plane, fly to Eastern Europe and bring these kids home. As far as I was concerned they were already our children. God had said so.

Amy texted back one word……..”FOUR?!?!?!”

I don’t remember the rest of our text conversation that day. I began to chat with the two ladies from CHI via email. As I asked a MILLION questions and they so graciously answered, my heart continued to be drawn to these children. Finally I asked them what was weighing on me. We have four biological kids. I’m a pastor. How would the adoptive country feel about that? Would they be OK with it. “Oh, yes!” was the reply. “They’ll love that you’re a pastor and have no problem with big families!” This was excellent and welcome news! But then the bomb dropped…..”How old are your kids?”

Not thinking this would matter at all, I shared the ages of our kids, which is 10 down to 4. I remember getting the reply from both ladies sitting at our dining room table……The country would not approve/allow our family to adopt these kids. See they have a rule. The oldest child being adopted must be the youngest child in the family doing the adopting. They really don’t want to disrupt birth order. So all four of these kids would have to be younger than our youngest, who is four. Obviously we weren’t even close! I guess I get that, but my heart was just broken. Here I (and Amy had started to feel what I was feeling) feel like these are OUR kids, that God had planned it that way, but the country would say NO. I’m not gonna lie…..I was VERY DISAPPOINTED.

But when GOD decrees a thing, there isn’t a nation, government, leader, or anyone/anything else which can stop what God has set in motion……

So I sent a reply (actual email I sent to CHI on Thursday, June 26th):

So here’s my thoughts…..I hear what you’re saying and I get the difficulty of it.
But they are a sibling group about to be split up soon if no one adopts them. What the country is looking for has proven very difficult to find. If they could see that, they may make a waiver or exception to their rule.

What do I need to get in place for CHI to advocate on our behalf for these children?? We want to ask…God may do a miracle if we’re supposed to adopt them. If not, then what have we lost?
I will do whatever you tell me for CHI’s people on the ground in country to go to bat for these kids and our family adopting them. Just tell me what that is!!

I’m not trying to be difficult by any stretch of the imagination – I sure hope you aren’t hearing me that way. I’m 100% certain you know more about this than I. But I know God does miracles – and if He’s in this, He might do one here. He specializes in what seems impossible – even in Eastern Europe!!!  If He doesn’t and they still say NO, I will accept His will and move on! But He does work miracles. I’m not saying He will here – I have no special revelation – but we’ll never know if we don’t try. Again, what do I need to do? What fee do I need to pay? What form do I need to fill out? What do I need to write? I want to advocate for these children…..Amy and I aren’t just looking for any orphan or sibling group – we’re looking for THE orphan or sibling group God wants to place into our family….our sons and daughters. I’ve looked at literally thousands of pictures and profiles and found NONE who stir my heart like these. I must at least try….I hope that makes sense. Again, please forgive my ignorance and passion. They are sometimes raw and deep.
Jeff & Amy Carlson

And then I heard nothing….not a peep. Silence….all weekend long, which if you know me DROVE ME NUTS!!!!!!!!! I thought I had scared off CHI! I could hear them in the break room talking about the crazy dude from Indiana who just didn’t “get it.” By Tuesday, July 1st, I couldn’t stand it any longer and sent a “just checking in” email. I needed to know something. Anything, at this point.
Would God work a miracle for us? But not for us….for OUR CHILDREN?

Four biological kids later, Amy and I found ourselves pastoring The Journey Church in Indiana. This church isn’t a typical smallish mid-western church, it is FULL of kids who’ve been adopted both domestically and internationally….we have African-American kids, Chinese kids, Mongolian Kids, Korean kids, Latino kids, and coming soon….POLISH kids! As the Lord began developing this awesome community with a heart for foster kids and adoption, He began to rekindle the yearning of Amy and my heart for this. Having a group of biological children ourselves we could not imagine them ever being separated should something happen to Amy and me. This would be just devastating. Yet it’s the reality many orphans who are part of a sibling group face all the time. Few people desire to adopt groups of two, three, four, or more children. So many times these groups of siblings get split up so they can all be adopted out. When we realized the great need our own children were reflected back to us….and we decided when we adopted, it would be a sibling group of two or MAYBE three.

So we prayed, and looked, and prayed and looked. In October of 2013 we found a brother and sister in Bulgaria. They were of Roma descent. Because we had spent time the previous two summers in Eastern Europe working with the Roma, we really prayed and considered these kids. Something was off, though. We weren’t getting those “knowing” feelings we usually get from God when He is in something. So we passed. It didn’t feel good saying no to these kids, but we knew it was the right thing to do. We decided, after that, to let it rest a while, and honestly we stopped looking on international adoption websites for photolistings of kids. Then something happened.

It was June of 2014 and I was on a 21 day fast. We hadn’t really explored, talked, prayed, or anything else about adoption in several months. Frankly, our church, which had just planted a new campus, was consuming much of our life. On a whim one day, needing a mental break, I googled “Best International Adoption Agencies.” The first one listed was called Children’s House International out of Washington State. I perused their website a bit and shot off a general “contact us” email stating the following:

Hello!!
My wife and I have been thinking/praying about adoption for a very long time. We are seriously interested in a sibling group up to three children, though two  is preferable with at least one girl in the group. We Would also prefer the oldest in the group to be no more than 7 or 8 years old. The younger the better. We are open to Hungary, Poland, Moldova, Georgia, or Bulgaria. I’m not sure how to proceed with the application, because any of these would be acceptable to us. Please advise.
We have traveled to Europe on mission’s teams in the past and have a great love for the Roma people, though we are open to other children as well.
Please help us know what the next steps would be and/or what children in a sibling group are currently waiting.
Thanks so much!!!
Pastor Jeff Carlson

As soon as I sent the email I went to the website called rainbowkids.com which lists photolistings of kids available for adoption around the world. We always searched in Eastern Europe since that is where many Roma orphans are from. As I looked through my search results, I came across the listing of a group of four kids. They weren’t Roma, and I wasn’t looking for four kids, but I was immediately drawn to them….something in my spirit leaped. At the bottom of the web page there is a “contact listing agency” form. I filled it out and shot it off to whatever agency was listing these kids. It simply read:

We are interested in info on this sibling group. We are VERY EARLY in the adoption process so guidance is a plus!!
Thanks!
Jeff & Amy Carlson

All of this happened within the span of about 20 minutes right in my church office. If I didn’t believe in the activity of the divine, what happened next would have been almost ridiculous………

So many people have asked us how all of this adoption stuff came about. Well, naturally it’s a LONG story and starts much longer ago than most people would think. I will attempt to tell you some of the backstory now and continue the story with future posts. So here is part 1.

Amy and I first became an item of some sort when she was 14 and I had just turned 15. We were only “good friends,” at least as far as her parents thought. All the way through High School we were together and became best friends. Shortly before graduation, the Lord really convicted us that our relationship had become a bit of an idol to each of us and we needed to lay it down, bringing Jesus back to the center of each of our lives….this is the spiritual way of saying that we broke up! For three years. While we attended the same college. Yeah. Awkward.

While we were living our separate lives, I had ventured home to Elkhart one weekend for a school break. I went to a Sunday night service at my home church, Calvary Assembly of God in Elkhart, where a missionary named Sam Powloc was speaking (pronounced POV-lock). He had been a missionary to Poland and was home on itineration. I have no earthly clue what he preached about that night but I remember literally RUNNING to the altar at the end of the message. I couldn’t get there fast enough to respond to the drawing of the Holy Spirit in my heart. Now, I was already saved and serving God, so this had much more to do with my surrender to His plan and will for my life. I prayed and wept at the altar as some of our pastors and my mom prayed with me. I know Sam talked about the people of Eastern Europe (this wasn’t too long after the wall came down). The powerful work of God in my life that night through Sam Powloc and his ministry in Poland has always stuck with me as a pivotal and life changing experience.

Later that same year, I was back at my church home away from home, James River Assembly of God (now James River Church)  where Christ for the Nations was ministering on a Sunday evening. They were sharing, not about Poland, but about the “sewer children” who live on the streets and sewers in Bucharest, Romania. Thousands of orphans live in the sewers because they have no place else to go. This absolutely broke my heart…I remember standing and weeping during the prayer response and committing to God that I would give my life for those orphans if He would call me. I meant every word.

At Christmas time that year (1999) Amy and I rekindled our relationship through some very cool “God-moments” and were married on August 4th, 2000. It was like we had never missed a beat…except we both now had Jesus squarely in the center of our lives and relationship, right where He belongs. We knew we wanted to have four kids….but from VERY early on in our marriage, we knew we wanted to adopt children who would otherwise not have the opportunity to live in a loving, safe, and godly home. Amy had not experienced what I had, but we shared a common desire to rescue whatever orphans God might bring our way. At that time, we didn’t have any specific country or type of adoption in mind…we were just willing when the Lord brought the opportunity our way. And He quickly did, just not the way we expected it.

Makes me think of a few things…..
1. God is always working in our lives for His purposes. Even things which seemingly aren’t connected are usually connected in the whole plan of God. We take the short view…but God’s view is a LONG view.
2. The WAY God brings things to pass is not usually (or EVER!!) the way we would do it. This has been played out in my life like a broken record!
3. We must ALWAYS remain mouldable, teachable, and sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s voice in our lives. He is ALWAYS speaking….are we listening??